Potter Mania

So yet another consequence of getting dragged to India was that I missed the opening night of Harry Potter. Yes, I am indeed a Harry Potter fan, but before you judge me, realize that I am in fact a much harsher judge on the fans than you probably are.  I hate Harry Potter fans. They sicken me - the way they dress up for the midnight showing for the movie or the releases for the books. Sure, I went to all these events- at least all of those I wasn't shipped off to India for - but I did them with style. I may have stressed how excited I was before the event, but the night of, I would be sitting in a corner with my best friend straight out insulting anyone who looked overly enthusiastic. The amount of ridicule each person got was proportional to their age, 5 year olds (as long as they kept their voices down and weren't too annoying) were allowed to be excited, but heaven help you if you were over the age of 18 and still getting dressed.

I was sad to notice, however, that the 11 o'clock showing on Saturday contained no freaks. Not even a single wizards hat in sight. I mean, sure, we did run into a few super morbidly obese people (I love that this word exists)  to whom we could direct our mockery (yes, I realize I'm going to hell), but I have an entire arsenal of Harry Potter insults, and not too many points in my life I can use them. So, all in all, although the movie was awesome, it pretty much left me even more bitter for being dragged to India.

I did, however, find the ultimate Harry Potter fan to mock. Have you heard the heard of the guy, Jude Ralston, a 32 year old from Ohio, who took his life because he heard a plot spoiler before the movie came out? Oh Judey judey judey. Apparently, this guy had disconnected his Internet and stopped watching television so he could avoid seeing any spoilers, but one day he went to the mall and inadvertently saw one. Well, obviously he had nothing left to live for, and suicide was the only answer. You really have to wonder if this guy realized the movies were based off books, and that there was still another movie (perhaps 2) in the works. So what do his friends have to say about this? Poly Clovis, a friend from high school, said "When Jude got that vanity license plate that said 'Hogwarts,' that seemed harmless enough. But when he started wearing that wizards hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help." Honestly, chances are, if one of my friends started wearing a wizards hat around town, I'd disown him, and if he committed suicide? I'd probably pretend like I never even know him. I definitely would not, however, get interviewed by a newspaper and publicize to the world that we were friends.

So what's the lesson? What exactly did Jude Ralston teach us? According to Jude's mommy, it should teach federal authorities to "tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place." Isn't that great? It isn't her fault for mothering a crazy person, actually its the federal authorities problem for allowing spoilers to be published on a movie, thats based on a book, that came out years ago. Well, on the bright side, perhaps the world is a little better with one less crazy person in it.