All that Jazz

I got an interview!!! For a recent graduate, this is spectacular news. Not only that, but its an interview for a paid internship! Somebody's willing to pay me for my work! Given, its only 100 dollars a week, and that money will basically be spent on train tickets from Long Island to the city, but I'm not about to let that rain on my parade. For that matter, I'm not going to even let fact that this is merely an interview and I that I may not actually get hired stop me from celebrating. The simple fact is, in my mind, this job is mine. Call is egoism, call it confidence, who knows, in my head the interview is a mere formality. Word to my friends- it'll probably be prudent to not be around me if I find out that I have not actually gotten this internship.

In other news, I just came back from a day in the city with my boyfriend. It was fabulous. We took a trip down to Chelsea Market, and being the utterly gigantic food snobs that the two of us are, it was quite amazing that we had never been there before. Well let me state this for the record- I LOVE Chelsea Market. It has almost every one of my favorite things under one roof, awesome food and alcohol. Add to that there are enough free samples to probably make a meal (or in our case, an appetizer to lunch) and the possibility of seeing Bobby or Giada (we saw no one famous) and if you're truly lucky being there in time for the free wine and tequila tasting at the wine shop and I am a very happy girl. Of course I had two main problems with being there, a. as I've mentioned, I am a recent college graduate, which means I don't have nearly enough money to buy everything I want to eat, and b. also because I am a college grad, I have about 10 excess pounds that I need to lose. So while I did have to choose between getting the white chocolate brownie at Fat Witch Bakery, or the banana nut muffin with cream cheese icing at Eleni's (I chose the brownie), we splurged on lunch and ate at the Green Table.

The Green Table, as you probably could have guessed, is a restaurant that strives to serve local and organic food. The food was amazing. I got a chicken pot pie while my boyfriend got the cheese plate and I was in heaven. There is something about organic food that has the ability to just make you food so incredibly good. Even though I was probably consuming my daily allotment of calories in just the crust of that pot pie, I somehow felt healthy doing it. My chicken was organic, the veggies were organic and locally grown. Even the wheat that the crust organic. Plus, It's like your giving to charity by eating at the restaurant because you're helping the local farmers. Really, its a win/win situation. Well, at least until you get the check it is.

At night, we stumbled (yes, stumbled, as we chose our dinner location on the fact that they were known for having extremely potent margaritas, and as such we were highly intoxicated) over to Caroline's on Broadway. The comedy show was okay, Bobby Lee- the guy from mad tv- was head lining and to be quite honest, he wasn't really that funny at all. Thats truly saying something when I was so drunk by this time that when I got up to go to the bathroom I almost fell 3 times during the trip, causing pretty much everyone to look at me. All in all, however, it was a great trip and made me realize for the umpteenth time just how much New York is better than every other city in the world.

Potter Mania

So yet another consequence of getting dragged to India was that I missed the opening night of Harry Potter. Yes, I am indeed a Harry Potter fan, but before you judge me, realize that I am in fact a much harsher judge on the fans than you probably are.  I hate Harry Potter fans. They sicken me - the way they dress up for the midnight showing for the movie or the releases for the books. Sure, I went to all these events- at least all of those I wasn't shipped off to India for - but I did them with style. I may have stressed how excited I was before the event, but the night of, I would be sitting in a corner with my best friend straight out insulting anyone who looked overly enthusiastic. The amount of ridicule each person got was proportional to their age, 5 year olds (as long as they kept their voices down and weren't too annoying) were allowed to be excited, but heaven help you if you were over the age of 18 and still getting dressed.

I was sad to notice, however, that the 11 o'clock showing on Saturday contained no freaks. Not even a single wizards hat in sight. I mean, sure, we did run into a few super morbidly obese people (I love that this word exists)  to whom we could direct our mockery (yes, I realize I'm going to hell), but I have an entire arsenal of Harry Potter insults, and not too many points in my life I can use them. So, all in all, although the movie was awesome, it pretty much left me even more bitter for being dragged to India.

I did, however, find the ultimate Harry Potter fan to mock. Have you heard the heard of the guy, Jude Ralston, a 32 year old from Ohio, who took his life because he heard a plot spoiler before the movie came out? Oh Judey judey judey. Apparently, this guy had disconnected his Internet and stopped watching television so he could avoid seeing any spoilers, but one day he went to the mall and inadvertently saw one. Well, obviously he had nothing left to live for, and suicide was the only answer. You really have to wonder if this guy realized the movies were based off books, and that there was still another movie (perhaps 2) in the works. So what do his friends have to say about this? Poly Clovis, a friend from high school, said "When Jude got that vanity license plate that said 'Hogwarts,' that seemed harmless enough. But when he started wearing that wizards hat around town, we really should have seen that as a cry for help." Honestly, chances are, if one of my friends started wearing a wizards hat around town, I'd disown him, and if he committed suicide? I'd probably pretend like I never even know him. I definitely would not, however, get interviewed by a newspaper and publicize to the world that we were friends.

So what's the lesson? What exactly did Jude Ralston teach us? According to Jude's mommy, it should teach federal authorities to "tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place." Isn't that great? It isn't her fault for mothering a crazy person, actually its the federal authorities problem for allowing spoilers to be published on a movie, thats based on a book, that came out years ago. Well, on the bright side, perhaps the world is a little better with one less crazy person in it.

5 Reasons to hate India

Do you ever feel like if the 10 year old version of you were to meet the you of today, they would shake their head in disgust? Lately, I can't seem to get that vision out of my head.

I'm a recent graduate,  and I'm living at home with my parents in Long Island for the year. If that wasn't enough for the 10 year old version to deal with, at the age of 22 I'm pretty much still being treated like a ten year old. Which is why, when my two-week "trip" (I use this term very loosely, as most people would consider a trip to be something enjoyable) to India turns into an entire month (or as my mother would later use as a defense, "It's not a month! It's only 27 days) without my consent or knowledge, I'm not in the least bit surprised. Of course, I did not go silently into the night. I bickered, I argued, I told everyone who would listen just how miserable I would be in India for a month. 

This post is for all of you who responded to my cries for help by saying, "But I would die to go to India! I bet it's gorgeous there! I wish I could go!" So here goes nothing- the top 5 reasons to never go to India:

1. The Weather- I don't know what you people are picturing when you think of India, but this is what you should be- overcast skies EVERY SINGLE DAY. Still not getting the picture? It's called the monsoons people, for a reason! 85+% humidity every hour of the day, and downpours that just happen to occur the second you step out of the house. EVERY TIME. So, while everyone I know is enjoying the July temperatures in the states, with perhaps 5-10% humidity, I'm stuck in India looking like some deranged poodle. Also, since most households haven't discovered the dryer yet, I'm stuck wearing clothes off the line, that never quite dry and wind up smelling like vomit. Good times!

2. The Drivers- Getting into a car is pretty much the single most terrifying experience one can have in this country. For every two lanes painted on the road, there are about four lanes of traffic. Cars are literally a quarter of an inch away from the car next to it at all times. Rear view windows have been long abondoned and pushed in for their own safety. Well heres a question, what about my safety? In addition, Indians love their car horn. They use theirs more in a single day than I'll wind up using over the course of my entire life. The whole experience leaves me with a headache, shaking in fear, and thanking God that I'm still alive every time I get out of the vehicle. 

3. The Smell- I'm Indian, so I've come to accept that perhaps my house is a bit odiferous. For all of you out there who have been to an Indian person's house, I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about. Now, I don't believe my house smells bad- after all it is the product of us using tons of garlic and spices in everything we cook. But some Indians, well quite frankly, some Indians just smell. Really badly. Now, imagine an entire country made up of these people and you pretty much get the picture of what smacks me in the face as soon as I get off the plane. India is a country full of mass quantities of people who have no yet understood the proper uses of deoderant. Now combine that with the fact that India has the second largest population. Are we starting to understand?

4. The Homeless- Yes, that's right. I pick on the homeless as well. I'm sorry, but if you tap on my window and I shake my head and look away, guess what that means- I'm not giving you any money. To sit there rapping on my car window giving me sad looks, speaking in a language I don't understand and pushing your naked child up against the glass until the light turns red is frankly just rude. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but it doesn't mean I'm soulless. For every homeless person on the street there is probably the equivalent of one stray dog, so I travel around with cookies in my pocket to feed every one I pass. Karma points!!

5. The Insects- In America you get the occasional fly, but all it takes is one swat and the fly is so freaking scared it will never come near another human being for as long as it lives. The fly knows whose the boss. Well, Indian flies have overinflated egos. They literally attack you when you're sleeping, buzz in your ear, land on your arms and legs. Swatting them only makes them angry and causes entire swarms of flies to come and attack you; and there are swarms of flies everywhere. You are never safe, they get into your mind until all of a sudden you're feeling flies on you when they don't exist. Now, I'm the type of person who would never, as the saying goes, "hurt a fly," however, the good part about being kidnapped for an entire month is by the end, you get numb to it all and you quit caring. Sit on me you stupid insect- I dare you.